Leaving on a Jet Plane....
I love going to the airport. Whether I'm going somewhere or someone else is, I love the feeling of people coming and going. I like to watch planes take off and land and make up stories about the people on the plane. I always wonder if other people are doing the same. Has anyone ever made up a story about me?
Next week I'm going to LA for work. Its the first time I've ever been there. I'll be working most of the time, but I'm convinced that either John Mayer or Michael Rosenbaum are going to be there and are going to falling deeply, madly in love with me, decide to move to San Francisco, and we will live happily ever after...
What?! Don't look at me like I'm crazy!! It's just the story I want someone to make up about me in the airport....we all can dream can't we?
Ode to the Canadian Sailor
Picture it Fleet Week, October 2005.... I was going through a rough time with a guy so my roommate decided that the path to healing was through Fleet Week...and the sailors who San Francisco happened to be crawling with....literally, they were EVERYWHERE !!
My sailor's name was Cameron Tchacuk (I think that's how you spell it). He is a Lieutenant in the Canadian Navy (he's a very important person according to his subordinates). He looks like Michael Rosenbaum, Lex Luthor on Smallville. He was in love with me. He wanted to leave the Navy when his term was done in a year and move to San Francisco to be with me (sure this was just a line I'm sure, but it was cute and I enjoyed it). But I was too heart broken by someone else to care. So when he called me the next three days while he was in port, I was still too intwined in my "other situation" and would just look at the phone yelling "turn the page!!"
Now, five months later, I ask where are you Canadian Sailor?! I miss you, come back to port!! I'm ready for you!!
Being out of the house by 7:50am never looked so good!!
I have a bus boyfriend; and he makes going to work every morning worth it!!
When I lived in NYC I had a subway boyfriend...I named him Dave. I would see him on the 8:25am 6 train at 77th Street. He wore a suit everyday. He had brown, thinning hair (which surprisingly wasn't unattactive). He was taller than me (so important). He was in the train when I got on, he got off the train after me. I never spoke to him, but I did sit next to him once and tried to peak at what he was listening to on his ipod (Dave Matthews, not too shabby, but that's not why I named him Dave, he just looked like one). He wasn't there every day which was sad, but the days he was there I couldn't help but think that today was going to be a good day!! I always wondered if he saw me everyday and wondered where I was going, what my name was or if I'd like to have his children. When I moved, thus no longer taking the subway every morning, I wondered if Dave noticed and was curious as to where I went.
Now living in San Francisco, I take the bus to work everyday and have a bus boyfriend. I've named him Ben. Ben wears glasses. I don't normally like glasses, but I love them on him. He wears a camel colored zip up sweater as a jacket. He wears jeans to work. And black and red sneakers. Ben has perfect skin. But being the shy girl that I am (only around guys I like), I can't make any moves (I've got no game) so my goal is to make eye contact with him and smile. Hopefully, that will do something...and by something I mean he'll come over, sit down next to me, and ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. So until then, I sit and stare...literally stare, for the whole ride, all 15 minutes of it. I imagine Ben has a girlfriend, guys like him always do. And by 'guys like him', I mean guys who dress impeccably and are so cute that you've considered being late for work on a number of occasions so that you could follow him to see where he works (no, I have not followed him...at least not yet.).
So I ride the bus, stare at Ben, and fantasize about him breaking up with his girlfriend because he can't get that girl from the bus out of his mind.
Ben, isn't it time that you just realized that you love me and that we should live happily ever after?
Validity of Feelings Theory
A year and a half ago, I was 'seeing' this guy (I say 'seeing' becuase we weren't literally seeing each other, he lived in CA, I in NYC, but we had regular phone dates--it was a very 'strange' situation) Needless to say in a short period of time, I managed to develop strong feelings for him....however my roommate (at the time) (who, I might add, was supposed to be my best friend) used to brush off my feelings and tell me to "get over it" or "you're over-reacting" or you need to "just chill"....now I understand that in the year that was to follow I did jump off the deep end a number of times, but I'm a girl, I'm allowed to do these things!! As my best friend she should have sat there and discussed the different turns of events with me until we were both delirious and didn't know our names; instead, she would tell me I'm "over-reacting" and that I need to "calm down".....which of course made me want to scratch her eyes out!
As a result, I came up with the "Validity of Feelings Theory". By virtue of the "Validity of Feelings Theory", any emotion that you feel is acceptable, no matter how crazy, because you are feeling it, therefore it should be taken seriously. Never should you brush someone off when they are upset, excited, scared, or hurt because you don't agree, understand, or care what someone else is going through--they are going through it none the less, and as their friend, it is your job to be there for them to listen, laugh, analyze, discern, and pick apart until you are both delirious. And even once you are delirious and have talked yourself in circles, you will still sit and discuss it because, Goddamn it, you are a good friend!
For example, just because I only know DO for a few weeks, the fact that I felt as strongly as I did was not to be brushed off. "You barely even know him" is not a viable response to me being upset about the distance between us. Constantly asking me "who does that?"(in a bad way) when I tell you something nice, amazing, or crazy (in a good way) that he did and that I am over the moon about is not an acceptable response. You are supposed to be my friend, be one!!
Here's the thing, I never expected BM to understand this theory (hell, she is the one that led me to create it), but NEVER did I think that she would be in the same position and expect more of me than she ever gave.
So, a year and a half later, BM (still one of my best friends, and now ex-roommate (not because of differences, but because we both moved)) spent a year being treated like crap by other best friend's brother (when we were in NYC, then he moved to Australia six months before we moved), then she went backpacking through Europe and spent three months with him in Australia.....now she is home, and he still in Australia, and the other day she calls me talking about how sad she is and how the texts he sends her are so sweet and she was so sad when she had to get a new cell phone and the texts were lost.....then she abruptly stops and says "don't even say a word, you know you'd be the same way"....I thought this was funny (not in a haha way, but more of a you-crazy-bitch-I-can't-believe-you-have-the-nerve-to-say-that kind of way) because, just a year ago I was the same position and she brushed me off, she brushed my feelings off....but instead of telling her she needs to "just chill" as she once did me, I said I totally understand and I would be the same way.
What pissed me off, is that she expected more of me than she ever gave in the same situation. I will concede that she is younger than me and has never had a serious relationship, so she has never felt the happiness, pain, and raw emotion that comes along with love. But just because she has never experienced things, does that give her a right to brush them off? I say no. But as a good friend, I say to you BM, I understand, I've been there, and I will be here for you when you want to talk about it!
